In a state of thixotropy

No better song

Ever think that the music you listen to at the moment is the exact music you should be listening to? Yeah, well, every time I hear this song show up on my iPod, I think that I suffer from this far too often… and right now, it’s definitely the boy who’s got his hold on me… unbeknownst to him.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

- “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles

Tags: life, music
Posted in the boy | 2 Comments »

My movie ending

When I’m sitting here, trying to study, get reading done, etc, I often have the television on. Playing whatever movies are on cable. It’s not meant to distract me, and I know they’re all movies I’ve seen a hundred times in the past. But there they are, playing on my television.

I realize that Hollywood only makes their money when people watch their movies. I know that because of this, most movies have a “love interest.” I’ve learned through an ex who was a movie fanatic, just how movies work. Not to mention I’ve taken a film class and learned through that class too.

There’s a formula for movies though. There’s always a formula. And nearly all movies follow it. There’s always a girl. There’s always a boy. There’s always something that tries to keep them apart, but eventually, though everything, they end up together in the end.

As days go by, I can’t help but hope that if I’m just patient. If I can just wait this one out, he’ll come back and we can try again. I won’t “hold my breath,” so to speak, but inevitably, deep down, it really is what I want.

I joked with him on Thursday about him taking me out for a ride (on his motorcycle). Always with the “I need bugs on my helmet” joke. He said it sounded like a good idea, but that he wasn’t sure if he was going to have to work. Okay. No biggie. He had just gotten the job and I figured I probably wasn’t going to hear from him anyway. He was starting to get into the habit of making plans with me, and then turning around and doing something else, completely disregarding the plans that we made. He was starting to be a huge flake.

Not this time though. No. Friday night when he found out he had to work Saturday, he texted me to let me know. Not only did he let me know, but he seemed disappointed by the fact that we wouldn’t be able to go riding. He apologized. I told him it was okay, cause there was plenty of time… and I knew that there was a possibility that he’d have to work. But he remembered making the plans. And he remember to let me know… one way or the other. He didn’t flake.

While I’m not reading a whole lot into it, it just… surprises me.

I’m waiting for that moment, in the movie, when he comes back. Or a commercial break. Either way, I’m not handling my hormones too well this month.

Tags: life, movies
Posted in it's called life! | 1 Comment »