So confused…

It’s funny. This whole relationship business. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of them… but the one with the boy was definitely different. I see him differently now. I see aspects of him that I still desire. Parts of him (and I’m not speaking about anatomy or physically) I admire and adore and want to be around constantly. Other parts, annoy me. His arrogance, for example. I thought this was something he was doing, or a way he was acting, to be cute. Instead I’m finding that he really is a bit of an arrogant ass.

I’m still hugely attracted to him. He’s still damn cute. Amazingly funny and intelligent. As time goes on, I’m going to have to deal with the fact that this is just a phase, or at least I hope it is. I realize that there’s going to be a day, one within the next year, when we’re either going to be closer friends or we’re going to be distant memories. We both have grad school to think about. We both have places we might move to, though he actually considered staying at our current college. Which to me is a shame.

Last night while chatting on yahoo with the boy, we had an interesting exhange.

him: of course, i’ll probably go to [our school] for grad school anyhow
me: why? why not go somewhere else… just cause you can?
him: don’t know where else to go? where would I go?
me: anywhere. the world is open to you now… pick a place and fuckin’ go!
him: true dat. homie but who has good psych grad programs and how do I find out? not to mention out of state tuitions etc
me: uh, U of Minnesota actually has some of the best psych programs in the US and you don’t pay out of state tuition for grad school
him: no shit why not?
me: USC and UCLA have good psych programs… *shrug* no clue, but it’s fact! what, don’t trust me
him: sure do. for any grad school or just u of minn?
me: any
him: Ha!! I didn’t know that!!
me: well, within the US
him: Oh, that’s friggin awesome
me: go to UHawaii!
him: I’m gonna do some research tonight
me: ha ha ha!
him: Hawaii here I (we) come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really? We?? *sigh* I could easily be reading too much into everything, sure. But I mean, really? You’re going to go to Hawaii after I tell you two things. 1) You can go anywhere, just effing go! I mean, just get the hell out of this state college and go somewhere, anywhere. And 2) You wanna go to Hawaii because I said something about going there?? We?!? So effing confusing.

I basically bombed my Perception exam. Why? Because I didn’t realize we were having an exam on the first day back from spring break. Why didn’t I know this?? Because the boy decided to call the night before and keep me up until 5am. Yup. Bad. bad. bad.

The semester is almost over, and I’m going to have to work on doing better in this particular class. Thus far, I have a solid C, and that’s just unacceptable. I’ll have to worry about getting high B’s or A’s to bring that up. Must. That’s just sheer laziness and I’m kicking myself in the ass for it now.

Filed under school | Comments (3)