Despite the warnings

June 16th, 2008 | Tags: ,

My father has a way with words. I love the man, more than I could ever possibly love another human being. He’s done more for me and bailed me out of more stupid situations than I could ever possibly begin to count (let alone document). He’s a great guy and really honest with me too. I love him, but sometimes I think he misses the mark.

While I appreciate his advice regarding the boy, I have a feeling that he doesn’t know completely what’s going on. He listened to me bitch a little bit because I was upset, and all of a sudden I’m dating this co-dependent bastard who just wants someone to be his mom. I mean, I get it. I get what he’s saying. I’ve attached myself to a guy who seems to be too emotionally attached. But really, I can’t fault the guy when I’m the same way?

I’m a little taken aback by his future plans that include me. But none of it is so horrible that we can’t figure out a compromise… somewhere. And I know that I care deeply for the boy because I do flip out when I don’t get to see him more. I hate the fact that I only get to see him once a week, and if I’m lucky he’ll stay the night (or I’ll get to stay the night with him). Most of the time, we get to chat online or talk on the phone. It’s not super long distance, but it’s long distance enough to still suck.

I have my moments of weakness. When I think to myself that this was all just a bad idea. That getting into a relationship was a bad idea. That getting involved with him again was a bad idea. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my desire to see that things could be better… that things could be good. They can be. There’s a very large potential for it to be something really great. And I’ll admit something else too. I’m not opening up to him nearly as much as I would like. Is it bitterness from relationships past? Is it reluctance because of how things went the last time we tried to date? I’m not completely sure. All I know is that I’m going for it now.

And the conversation we had last night about what happened was a good one.

One Response to “Despite the warnings”

  1. Russ on June 17, 2008 11:29 pm

    “I miss my boyfriend… *sigh* about 51 minutes ago”

    See? That’s the thing.

    Sometimes you don’t have to write very much to express your feelings. Those few short words say as much as three pages of ramblings, but don’t work nearly as well as a catharsis.

    I wish you weren’t suffering so.

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