It’s a real desire

July 22nd, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I’ve been in a weird mood the last few weeks. I’ve got this want to actually do something, with the site(s) and with writing, only I find myself bored and not bothering. I think about the sort of stories I want to write, but when I sit down at the computer, or even with a pen and a notebook, I can’t seem to be bothered. I’m not sure what it would take, but I know that it’s eating away at me.

I keep perusing my bookshelf for books. Most of them have been read. Some have been read over and over again. Then there are those few that I’m glad I have but often just glance at the cover and remember what was within the pages. I’ll always reach for something else.

In 2003, a friend I had met via the internet invited me to join him at the San Diego Comic-Con. This was a huge event for me. I wanted to go, the geek in me unable to convince myself that this was the worst possibly social faux pau ever. Back in those days, I was a blogging fool! I didn’t always have something brilliant to say, but I wrote often. I also read more. Including Wil Wheaton‘s blog. It was through his blog that I found out about Dancing Barefoot. I ordered one, only to recieve the email letting me know that there was such an influx of orders, it might be a little while before my copy would arrive. Damn.

I knew that Wil would be at Comic-Con. I also knew that my funds were limited, seeing as I had recently moved back in with my parents and didn’t have a job. I scrounged up what little I did have for funding purposes and was glad for the chance to get to go anyway. Brad, the friend who invited me, treated me to half his hotel room as well as buying my ticket into the event.

For those who’ve never had the joy of going to Comic-con, you can only imagine that it’s full of things you know you don’t need, but for whatever reason, you simply cannot live without. I picked up a few things (including the Darkness comic to match the original pages I had at home), some various other Darkness comics. Various posters and lots of free stuff from all the tables. The senses are absolutely overloaded with bright colors and all things shiny.

There was a particular day. I made it a point to have enough money to visit Wil’s table. I wanted to have my copy of the book with me, but I would simply have to buy another. So I did. Having both the illustrator and author sign somewhere on the inside. I looked at the book and refused to read it. I couldn’t justify leaving smudge marks anywhere. I kept the book inside a comic sleeve with a board. Let me stress how much I wanted to read the book. I waited. I waited until I was home again, and the first copy arrived. The envelope became the safe haven for the signed copy and there it still sits, on the bookshelf by the bed in my apartment at this very second. The unsigned is on the floor by the bed, with a booklight pressed between the pages as my bookmark.

This was the perfect book to pick up and reread. The first story left me in tears. Not because I had a similar experience, but because I could imagine what it must have been like to feel that way. Because Wil is an amazing writer who brings you into the experience with him. I didn’t cry last night, after reading one of the shorts. But I teared up. And I realized that it was this kind of book I wanted. Not necessarily a book of stories, but a book that someone would lie in bed reading. A book that someone would put off half and hour or fourty-five minutes of sleep in order to get “just a few more pages” read. The kind of story that makes you laugh out loud, or wipe a tear away. I want to write something like that.

I had the book with me when I drove a car full of boxes to the boy’s place (for him and his roommates). The boy and his roommate laughed at me when they saw what I was reading, and who was the author. I shrugged them off. I knew that contained in those pages were something meaningful to not just me, but to the child actor they were quick to make jokes about. Let them laugh, thinking Wil wrote a book on how to literally dance barefoot. It’s okay.

I know what’s really on those pages…

Cellphone… stuff

July 14th, 2008 | Tags: ,

So I’ve been messing around with my cell, trying to get the alarm situation taken care off. There are some known issues with Windows Mobile 6 (WM6), one of the biggest pet peeves out there is the alarm situation. Lemme explain. Once you set a time for an alarm, it will go off. No matter what. Even if you set a new time (it will now go off at two different times), and if you try to turn the bugger off, the alarm still goes off.

Case in point. Every night I check to see if the time is set right on my alarm. Apparently I shouldn’t have hit “done” on 3 different occasions, because in the morning, the obnoxious beep sound of 3 alarms set for the exact same time, going off in the mornings. And guess what?? You can’t delete them. You can’t REMOVE alarms once they’ve been set. You have to download a 3rd party program, in order to edit notifications or even the registry, in order to remove the alarms that have already been set.

If you can imagine, this is horrifically annoying for someone who needed to get up at 4am one time, and is now awakened every day, because (surprise surprise Microsoft has yet to fix this and release an update) the alarm doesn’t work. Oddly enough, while trying to figure out how to get it to stop doing that, my phone reset itself. Fine. It was almost a blessing in disguise I guess. But even recently the alarm goes off, 3 different times, at 6:40am. Why? *shrug* It makes no sense.

So I downloaded the trial version of Gentimer and so far (after a single day) I love it. It’s pretty inexpensive, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to buy a legit version at some point, but for now, I’m content with the fact that now I can have an alarm that goes off (once) in the mornings to wake me up for work (M-F), another to go off every day at 3pm to remind me when to take my pill. They are separate, and I don’t have to have Gentimer running in order for the alarms go off. I turned the WM6 alarm OFF, and guess what it did this morning anyway? Oh yeah. It went off, and turned off when Gentimer kicked in. Stupid WM6.

I’m seriously considering getting an unlocked iphone. No. Seriously.

Hmmm… undiscovered WiFi

July 14th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I keep forgetting that not only is there WiFi available at work, but that my phone is equipped to be able to use it. and not only that, but all of the things I would want to do while in front of a computer can be done from my phone as well. No fancy posts where I can link fun things. But I can blabber on about what’s bugging me. And I can do it without being under the watchful eye of my boss, who tends to be in the office, and can see exactly what I’m doing. :/ So here’s to my first cellphone post. That mobile plugin is awesome!

Edit: Except for the fact that it didn’t actually publish it to the main page, even when it said it was published. I wonder what the deal is with that?? Am I going to have to republish them from the web admin page to get them to show up?? *sigh* Kind of frustrating.

“cuz I listen 247/7”

July 11th, 2008 | Tags: ,

Here is where the internet has failed the world. This is the most PERFECT example of the reasons why reading comprehension and grammar are SO important. Because the children of today are writing emails like this. In case you don’t want to read it, I won’t burn your eyeballs with the atrocity that is this email, but I’m gonna make a little bit o’fun of this girl right now.

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Smoke Rulz All!

July 10th, 2008 | Tags: ,

The Sutter Buttes: Captioned

Right now

July 8th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I need some inspiration.

What I really want to do is have the boy in the same room with me… we don’t have to DO anything together, I just want the comfort of knowing he’s here. I won’t have that for at best, a few more days.

I have stories needing to be written, and I keep avoiding the pen and paper (or computer).

I have bills that I simply can’t pay right now, and I hope they don’t shut anything off until I get my “bill” paycheck rather than my “rent” paycheck.

I really needs a pick-me-up of some kind… as I feel somewhat lost and floundering without something to do.

I am horrifically hungry all the time, and I hope all the weight I worked so hard to lose doesn’t come back.

I haven’t had a cigarette in almost 5 weeks, and the desire to have one gets less and less. Actually when I’m at Starbucks with my friends, I almost want to bitch at them because the smell bothers me so much.

I need to journal some of my recent experiences.

And I need to start carrying my camera again (or at least upload all the photos I did take into flickr).


July 8th, 2008 | Tags: ,

Thanks to Zannah, who linked this, I had myself a nice funny when I got home. 🙂

Things I’ve missed

July 8th, 2008 | Tags: ,

In my multiple year hiatus from the blogosphere, and all things internet (not including television, movies, music and the general search for knowledge) I’ve been so far removed from all those things that I used to hold so dear. I forged some great friendships, and I guess when it comes down to it, erasing internet friends is sometimes easier than erasing real-life friends from your life. It’s unfair, but slightly true.

I’ve gotten back in touch with a handful of those people I used to read regularly and interact with regularly and I feel, internet-content. In a way I haven’t felt in a very long time. I don’t get the same joy that I used to when I spent hours and days designing a new layout for my website. I remember first blogging, and the thrill of a CMS, and holy crap, they added the WYSIWYG! There were all of these aspects of designing and blogging that I used to adore.

And then I grew up. And then I got jaded. And then there just seemed to be a thousand other things that were more worthy of my time and energies. And then the spam revolution hit and that was it. I was done. I threw in the towel, because my site had been listed (and still is in some cases) as a porn site, because of all the spam that sat there, plainly visible, for all the search engines to find. It was a lose/lose battle. I couldn’t win, no matter how hard I tried.

As with most things in my life, the phase passed, and then came back. I’ve missed the far away friendships I so easily made then, but feel so awkward about now. I miss the plethora of knowledge I once had about the internet and coding and creating web pages. So here I sit, in noobdom, all over again. And I’m okay with that.

Oh, the joy of long weekends!

July 7th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

See, there’s a funny thing about having a semi-long distance relationship with someone. And I’ve blogged about it before. We never get to go through the obsessive phase where we ditch all of our friends and spend every waking minute we possibly can together. Everything we do has to be planned because there’s an hour drive to see the other. There are a few benefits to him coming to see me, the largest of them being that it costs him a ridiculous amount of money less in gas (and we get to go around town on his motorcycle instead, woo!). But we also get privacy (well, besides the cat who loves him, that little pain in my ass!), where we get some, but he has two roommates.

Thursday I wanted to leave work early, get a head start on my weekend. I knew I was going to spend the majority of it with the boy, and that made me giddy like a kid. On the way home, I stopped by the fruit stand and picked up a few pounds of peaches. They’re the boy’s favorite fruit.

We texted once I got home, and while I was tempted to use the peaches as a means to lure him to my place half a day earlier, I figured it might be a cheap ploy. So when he thought of coming up Thursday night instead of Friday, I was thrilled.

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July 5th, 2008 | Tags:

Possible Spoilers

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