In a state of thixotropy

Right now

I need some inspiration.

What I really want to do is have the boy in the same room with me… we don’t have to DO anything together, I just want the comfort of knowing he’s here. I won’t have that for at best, a few more days.

I have stories needing to be written, and I keep avoiding the pen and paper (or computer).

I have bills that I simply can’t pay right now, and I hope they don’t shut anything off until I get my “bill” paycheck rather than my “rent” paycheck.

I really needs a pick-me-up of some kind… as I feel somewhat lost and floundering without something to do.

I am horrifically hungry all the time, and I hope all the weight I worked so hard to lose doesn’t come back.

I haven’t had a cigarette in almost 5 weeks, and the desire to have one gets less and less. Actually when I’m at Starbucks with my friends, I almost want to bitch at them because the smell bothers me so much.

I need to journal some of my recent experiences.

And I need to start carrying my camera again (or at least upload all the photos I did take into flickr).

Tags: life, love, soul searching
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Puuurfect!

Tags: funny, wtf
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Things I’ve missed

In my multiple year hiatus from the blogosphere, and all things internet (not including television, movies, music and the general search for knowledge) I’ve been so far removed from all those things that I used to hold so dear. I forged some great friendships, and I guess when it comes down to it, erasing internet friends is sometimes easier than erasing real-life friends from your life. It’s unfair, but slightly true.

I’ve gotten back in touch with a handful of those people I used to read regularly and interact with regularly and I feel, internet-content. In a way I haven’t felt in a very long time. I don’t get the same joy that I used to when I spent hours and days designing a new layout for my website. I remember first blogging, and the thrill of a CMS, and holy crap, they added the WYSIWYG! There were all of these aspects of designing and blogging that I used to adore.

And then I grew up. And then I got jaded. And then there just seemed to be a thousand other things that were more worthy of my time and energies. And then the spam revolution hit and that was it. I was done. I threw in the towel, because my site had been listed (and still is in some cases) as a porn site, because of all the spam that sat there, plainly visible, for all the search engines to find. It was a lose/lose battle. I couldn’t win, no matter how hard I tried.

As with most things in my life, the phase passed, and then came back. I’ve missed the far away friendships I so easily made then, but feel so awkward about now. I miss the plethora of knowledge I once had about the internet and coding and creating web pages. So here I sit, in noobdom, all over again. And I’m okay with that.

Tags: nostalgia, the site
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