Never Would Have Guessed

December 23rd, 2008 | Tags: ,

It’s funny… Friday afternoon after I got off of work meant the start of my 9 day vacation. Sure that includes 2 weekends, but that’s besides the point. It was 9 days of no school, and no work… and no nothing. It was supposed to be the start of getting things done that I wanted to do not to mention, vegging to the point of ridiculous and enjoying the hell out of it.

So far, I’ve slept in until 10:30 am, this morning. Mostly I’ve been running around like crazy, meeting up with this person or that person for whatever reason. I’ve been putzing around the apartment doing little things here and there. Of course, as always, the gifts meant for others are getting done much more quickly than the items I want to make for myself. In the end, though, I hope to get one good knit project done (rather than 5 crocheted).

While the vacation hasn’t been much of a vacation, I have a feeling it’ll get there. I’ll get my few days of not having to go out, or be around other people, or just in general get to lie around. When that happens, it will have been worth it.

Grades are starting to come in… So far, I’m passing. We’ll see how the rest go.

I’ve got cookie dough cooling in the fridge and I can’t WAIT to make cookies tomorrow. 😀

Last paper… status: finished!

December 18th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

What should have been a pretty easy paper to write turned into something much more difficult. In the end I was pretty content with what I wrote, reaching just a little more than the minimum. I’m hoping I incorporated enough of the concepts from class to make it seem semi-coherent as well as making the “autobiography” portion of it somewhat interesting.

I’ve been working on customizing things on the iPhone… again. I also think I need to work on some plurk themes in order to make myself feel better. At least edit some of the already created ones so that they’re more… functional. It seems that people are so caught up in incorporating SO much anymore that they forget about aesthetics. Simple = good.

I want to purchase another domain, like I really need another one. I have a hard time keeping up with this one, let alone the writing one (since I basically do very little writing anymore) that I truly have NO need for another domain. And yet I sit here contemplating another one. I’ll likely not get it, if there’s any chance of me reobtaining the one that’s currently in limbo.

I want and need to create some new playlists… life just doesn’t seem worth living without some kind of playlist, right? And I’m always looking for new music. Any genre (though very little country). If you’re reading, please make a musical suggestion. I’ll love you for suggesting, and I’ll love you forever if I adore the music you offered up on the table.

Tomorrow is the last and final bit of this semester and I’m definitely ready for it to be over. 2 finals. A trip to the bar with classmates and work tomorrow and I’ll be on vacation. A long, much needed, vacation. Friday 4:30 can’t come soon enough!

The Pondering of a lost mind

December 16th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I’ve recently upgraded to the newest WordPress. I was a little scared given the disaster from the last time I upgraded… but thus far everything is working smoothly. This new dashboard will take some getting used to, no doubt. I suppose as wtih everything, it will only be a matter of time.

I am currently procrastinating and refusing to work on a paper that I know I definitely need to do. Distraction and procrastination are very easy. The actual writing… not so much. I suppose it wouldn’t be nearly as bad if it weren’t something so obscenely personal.

I keep hoping that I’m going to write more often, but I have this feeling that it’s not likely. I lost my “writer” domain. Not sure how that happened, but the registrar wants a ridiculous amount of money for me (the owner) to get it back, beyond just the domain fee. I’ll try to see if I can’t snag it once it’s available, but if I lose it, then, well, it’s lost. I suppose I could just find another… something that speaks to me in a similar way. I’m not sure though. I had the two domains because this one was my “online persona” for so long. And the new one was me now. I’m saddened, but I’m trying not to let it affect me to the point of tears. It’s an intangible thing, y’know, when all is said and done. It’s just a silly little webplace. Nothing super important. Maybe before working on this paper, I can look for a new one… maybe.

And now that at least an hour has passed and I’ve accomplished all of nothing for this paper, I think it’s time to close all windows and get to it. *sigh* I had such high hopes for this blog entry too. Ah well. Off tow ork I go!

Perceptual changes

December 9th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

My first semester of University was an interesting one. That strange feeling in the pit of my stomach as I ventured onto an unknown campus. No, I didn’t tour the campus before deciding on a school. It was literally the flip of a coin. I had two choices and only enough funds to apply for one. I picked one, got in, and the rest is history. That first semester I made two friends. Steve and Cindi. We met in our History of Rock class. I had the handful of people I spoke to, but mostly I stuck to myself. None of the friendships from that first semester became anything. Except with Mike (who obviously became my boyfriend after the second semester).

There’s a certain perception of people when you’re in class. I know that I have put myself into significant amounts of debt in order to be in school. Not everyone is in my boat. This is just part of the course of life. I had to struggle to get there. I had to deal with many ups, but mostly downs. I’ve had help from strangers, and help from friends. My father has helped me in more ways than I could ever count. So when I’m sitting in class, I’m there for a purpose… to learn. I’m not there to listen to the two stupid blonde girls chattering away as though they were at a baseball game (the one’s I’ve often shushed). I’m not there to listen to people whisper loudly in the middle of something a professor has just announced will be on a test/exam.I’m there to listen, and learn. Most… however… don’t understand this.

This semester has broken many molds. There are those who I wrote off as retarded, insignificant, annoying and any other negative term I could possibly imagine. And I’ve become friends with many of them. This Psychology 101 class has brought a group of people together that would not otherwise have been friends. I know this for a fact. We vary so much in age. We vary in background, previous education that led us to being in this class… but mostly, the proximity of our lab has yielded me some of the best friends I’m likely to make while in college.

The big plan next thursday after class… we’re all getting drinks. Together. As a whole unit. Because we endured. We made it through, by the skin of our teeth, but we made it through. All the tears, the sweat, the frustration and the annoyances will bring us to the same place. People I would never have sat with in a bar, I will sit with. We will all toast to the end and the finality of the semester. The hell we’ve all endured will be over. We became a family, that small group of us. We had a common bond, but it was more than that. It was the intimacy. The humor. The laughter we shared.

There is no better feeling in the world, than to find friends in people who previously annoyed the living shit out of you. I am one who LOVES and relishes in the fact that I can be wrong. And I was.

I will miss all of these people greatly… but come Thursday… we’re getting drunk!

Strange place in life

December 8th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I’ve been in this weird limbo state lately. There are moments when I miss the boy, but it’s not any one thing in particular. It’s the friendship and companionship that I think I miss the most. There was a good dynamic between the two of us, despite the obvious lack of relationship chemistry.

I had a dream about another ex. Doesn’t really matter who. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. My cat was peeing on his carpet and he didn’t seem to care. I went to get her and stop her, but realized there was no litter box for her (for some reason). She wandered into another room and I woke up.

I had a dream about 2 weeks ago about a professor. Male. It was really weird. I don’t even know if I can recall all of it, but it was almost sexual, but not really. Very strange. Very weird. Left me wondering if I was disturbed in the head or something.

I’ve been a bit of a fangirl lately, though I’m not quite sure I’m ready to admit what it is I’m been fangirl-ing it about. I know the irrationality of it. I know that it’s for some underlying reason that I have yet to understand even myself. It’s some sick indulgence that serves no purpose whatsoever. And yet, I’ve watched the same movie about 3 times a night for the last week. Same. Movie. It’s rather pathetic. Mostly it’s background noise, but this mini-fangirl moment is melding through into my phone. I think really, it’s regression in it’s worst form. Though I am NOT qualified to diagnose anyone, let alone myself, that’s really what I think it is. It’s like going back in time, and reliving those parts of my childhood I felt I had little control over.

This realization doesn’t make it any better, or less pathetic. It just makes me a weirder fangirl. *sigh*

I’m looking forward to my Charlie Brown Xmas with Jenjen. It should be a good week. I get that week off (thank goodness) and it’s the first week after the worst semester of school ends.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a pass across all classes this semester. The anxiety and the stress and the bouts of severe depression has taken it’s toll. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get through by the skin of my teeth. Barely but enough. That’s all I care about. Barely, but enough.