Minor Irritations

February 14th, 2009 | Tags: , ,

Well, I suppose they’re not really minor irritations if I’m going to sit here and write about them.

The Phone Book
I realize that this publication is supposed to be a “service” but it should be a service that you sign up for or can opt out of it. I so rarely ever use the actual book since the internet solves a lot of that for me. And when my internet isn’t working properly, my cell phone allows me to do internet searching if necessary. I figure it’s just a waste of paper. So when they deliver the stupid book, why do the neighbors insist on putting it on my step when I clearly do not want it. I didn’t ask for it, and I’m not going to go out of my way to bring it in and throw it away. The phone book people can take it back. Or the person who keeps putting it on my step can take it. Today, I had had enough, so I threw it somewhere. Don’t care where. The rain will take care of it tonight.

Church People
I understand you go to church and I appreciate your desire to do a service to your god, however, knocking on my door is not doing this service to your god so leave me the hell alone. Don’t knock on my door and don’t leave your fliers. I don’t want it and again, it’s a waste of resources.

IMDB Boards
I get that not everyone is a fan of everything, but I remember when the IMDB.com board were actually where you got information about various things. Anymore it’s just a bitchfest, and a petty childish one at that. Really? You don’t like the show? Then why are you trolling the forums stirring shit?? I guess some people have nothing better to do with their time… like me. ha!

My shitty upstairs neighbors
I hate them. It’s not just dislike it’s downright hatred. Which does consume a lot of energy to hate, but at this point, I just don’t care. The woman is a piece of shit who is raising her daughter to be a disrespectful piece of shit. The owner of the complex offered me a different apartment so I could get “peace and quiet.” No. You don’t reward the lady who’s an asshole, you punish her. Why should I have to pack all of my things and move to a more expensive apartment when she can’t remember to not let her daughter throw rocks at the walls? Or not take her shoes off while she stomps (not runs, stomps) around in the kitchen? I get she’s a child, but take her shoes off! And the yelling! This woman has the manliest voice to start off with, but she insists on yelling at everyone, all the time, at all hours of the night. I seriously hate her.

Bad Dreams
They always seems to put me in a strange mood when I have them right before I wake up. When I dream about someone being rude or mean to me, or I dream about almost falling off of a building… it doesn’t bode too well with me during my actual waking hours. This one has probably made me the most irritated. heh.

A Strange Question

February 12th, 2009 | Tags: ,

I’m never really sure how to present information when it’s not publically via the internet like I’ve spent most of my doing. I always talk about various things on the internet and I either get a response from someone (or many people) or I don’t get any response.

Having to deal with Hell Class from last semester, there were some friendships forged that would not otherwise have become friendships. I truly believe had it not been for the shared experience of that class, we all would have passed through each other’s lifes briefly and quickly and that would have been that.

The relationship I had with the boy (now the ex boy I suppose to keep things easy to understand for those following along) was left on the backburner. It had always been less significant for him (at least that’s how it felt to me) than it ever was for me. However, when it came to school and making things awkward or not awkward for those around us, I chose the not awkward route. I had my friends with whom I confided the sordid details of the final days of the relationship, but I kept it out of the public when it came to the people at school. I have a feeling that the assumption was that the ex-boy and I were together, but that very few people knew the actual status of the kind of relationship he and I shared. That was his request. I wasn’t ashamed of him, or scared of people knowing. But for him, however, it was all about “school is school and outside of school is outside of school.” They were different worlds in his mind and I respected that, even though I didn’t fully understand it.

Today was the first time anyone who has known the two of us, asked a question. Not just any question, but the question.

Friend 1: So, I have a question for you?
Me: Sure, what’s up?
Friend 1: So you and the ex-boy, you guys aren’t together are you?
Me: Oh no.
Friend 1: So you guys were never together?
Me: Oh we were, but that ended in November.
Friend 1 and 2: Oh!

And then came the questions and the quick rundown of what happened and the reasons why I ended things.

I explained to Friend 2 that I didn’t want things to be weird, or awkward for anyone so I left people out of it. After Friend 1 took off to meet her roommate, I walked with Friend 2 most of the way to her car and I explained some more of it.

While I often focus on a lot of the trivial nonsense: his lack of a job for 90% of our relationship, his scruffy hair, his inability to understand the “geek” side of me, etc. it really came down to much more than that. Something more fundamental. He simply didn’t respect me. I started to notice those negative traits he adopted from his roommates and thus turned them on me much earlier. However, the kind of relationship I had with the ex-boy versus the ex were totally different. It was almost easier to deal with the downright cheating the ex did over what the ex-boy did. It’s hard to decide when the time to walk away is. How much abuse do you continue to take when it’s inadvertent and masked by showers of admiration and attention? How can I be the “best girlfriend ever” and yet be the butt of your jokes when we’re out with your roommate?

It was those things that I couldn’t take anymore. The “show of power.” I miss aspects of that relationship, but for the most part I don’t miss the ex-boy at all. I definitely don’t miss the drama that went along with him, nor the drunken accusations, or any of the many other negative things that relationship produced.

No. There’s a clear line that has been created between his side of the room and mine. He respects that line, and it’s better that way… for both of us. It just seems weird to me that no matter how hard I try to keep things under wraps, there’s someone who is more observant than they let on. And they’re willing to ask the question no one else was.

Theme Update

February 11th, 2009 | Tags:

I think I need to change my theme as well. Something less fluffy and something… better and more conducive for reading purposes (which is of course, what I want people to do!).

Overwhelmed

February 11th, 2009 | Tags: , ,

The feeling of being overwhelmed has been around for a fair share of the last few days. I’ve made it a goal to try to get at least a chapter of reading done per day (though I’ve already fallen behind today to write a paper) in hopes of catching up on what has easily become the most ridiculous semester yet.

I realize that a lot of my frustration lies in the fact that I didn’t want to stick around Sac State for another semester and am currently attempting to take 18 units. Which considering the way the last 3 semesters have gone (minus hell class) it shouldn’t have been that bad. Too bad they’re ALL reading intensive classes. We’ll see how well I fare.

While it’s pretty late right this second, I’ve got most of my paper outlined and I’m just wasting a bit of time before getting all of the writing done. It will be done tonight before going to bed. Hopefully. *crosses fingers*

I mentioned on Plurk (and other social networking sites) how I needed to use my blogs more. Actually blog. I’ve gotten so used to the interaction of how Plurk works that I forget entirely the actual act of writing something other than a single sentence or two. The hope is that once I’ve caught up on all of reading, I can a) go out and socialize for more than an hour or two and b) I might be able to concentrate on doing some writing.Though at this point, crochet and knitting have been postponed as well. Which is even more sad since I joined Woolgirl‘s Sock Club and should be expecting the first shipment in upcoming weeks (about 3-ish).

*heavy sigh* And now I shall go back to the paper writing. Wish me luck.