“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
— Mark Twain
This is the reason why I said yes. This is the reason why no matter what… I won’t be bitter about life because I regret a missed opportunity.Filed under quotes | Comment (1)
Do you know how many times I’ve watched these episodes of Doctor Who? I mean I’ve seen them again and again and again. It’s pretty ridiculous. And sometimes I’m just enjoying a good knit/crochet session on the couch and I can hear every word with the occasional glance. Sometimes, like today, I put it on as background noise so I’m not sitting alone in my apartment in the silence.
The strangest phenomenon happens. Episodes I’ve seen a hundred times before are suddenly different. It’s like I’m seeing them for the first time again. And the impact of the writing hits me outta the blue… like a two by four to the dome. Just a moment ago, I had this moment.
And these were the words.
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Doctor Who, Series 4, Episode 9: Forest of the Dead
If you die here, it’ll mean I’ve never met you.
Time can be rewritten.
Not those times. Not one line! Don’t you dare! (pause) It’s OK. It’s OK, it’s not over for you. You’ll see me again. You’ve got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run!
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“The average life is full of near misses and absolute hits. Of great love and small disasters. It’s made up of banana milkshakes, loft insulation and random shoes. It’s dead ordinary and truly amazing. What you’ve got to realize is… it’s all here… now. So breathe deep and swallow it whole because take it from me, life just whizzes by and then all of a sudden it’s… *flash*”
– Eugene, Torchwood: “Strange Shoes”
I spent the better portion of the late night on the phone with the boy last night, and it was fun conversation. I keep expecting that day when we run out of things to talk about. I hope that it doesn’t happen, but there are few people in my life that I can talk to on a regular basis and not run out of things to talk about. I try hard not to mention the fact that I’ve heard people’s stories again and again (and sometimes again). I let them feel as though they have something important to say, because at times they really do. But the BFF and the boy seem to be a handful of the only people with whom I can talk to for hours and hours and never run out of things to talk about.
What I adore most about the boy is that he listens to me despite the fact that I go off on tangents about things that he not only has no knowledge of, but has no interest in. We don’t have to share all things, but we should be supportive of each other and our endeavors, right? I don’t always care about what he’s telling me, but I DO care about the fact that he is telling me.
The other night, when I met his family, I heard Elton John’s “Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues” play in through the speakers of Black Angus. This is one of those songs I love. Not like… LOVE! Over the weekend, I went in search of a download for the song. Today, I decided to make a playlist, of just that song. And I danced around the storeroom at work mouthing the words and singing in my head.
I’ve heard the song a thousand times over the years, and the only part I ever knew was the title line. But the song, and it’s lyrics, are amazing.
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“… But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself
And I guess that’s why
They call it the blues
Time on my hands
Could be time spent with you
Laughing like children
Living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that’s why
They call it the blues”
“Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost
I remember the first time I heard this quote. I remember hearing stories similar to this very one. I think we actually had this whole discussion about it in high school.
I also remember thinking that that would be how I would live my life. I’d always go against the grain, do something different… be someone different. Not for the sake of being different, but because it means that if my time comes I won’t have missed out on the opportunities that have been available to me.
It seems, as of late, that most people I know are in… not such good moods. They’re depressed and feeling lethargic. I know this feeling all too well. It seems that I’ve become the boy’s confidante in all matters dealing with his life.
During our horrible heat wave, I decided that I would move somewhere else for grad school. I wanted to be anywhere but here. I can’t handle these horrific summers anymore. I just can’t handle 6-8 months of 90+ (and even 100+) degree weather. I just can’t do it. And the BFF has been trying to convince me to move out there with her anyway. Not literally with her, but be where she is geographically speaking. I’ve wanted to, and even thought about it. But what better reason to move than to take care of grad school? It will be an expensive endeavor, but not without help. It will be for all of the right reasons, and not because I just want to get away. I do… but I haven’t liked living here in a LONG time.
It’s been far too easy though, staying where I am. Finding whatever path has given me the least resistance (or cost). I just don’t want it to be about that anymore. I want it to be about more than that. I want to make decisions based on how to make my life better.
I won’t lie. When the boy makes jokes about going along with me, I almost wish I could be okay with it. This is my time. This is my thing. This is something I want to do for myself. Even the BFF pointed out that I could live with her for a couple months until I found a job and found a place to live… but he wasn’t invited. Though even just my being there could potentially be a HUGE inconvenience as it stands… there’s no way I’m allowing another person to come along and impose as well. Despite that little girl inside of me that wishes he could just be packed up along with the clothes, I know that I wouldn’t want him there. If we’re meant to be, we will. I just can’t take him with me everywhere I go. I want this to be for me.
I can’t tell how serious he is either. If it’s just a funny, “Let’s move to New York” sort of thing, or if he’s partially serious. I could ask. I just don’t want to know the answer. I don’t want to burst his bubble by telling him that I don’t want him to go with me.
In my head I picture this experience. Once I get a job, and find a place to live… I imagine calling the BFF up and just sitting around for hours talking about all sorts of stuff. Laughing and joking like we always do. Never being bored. I imagine wandering around a campus that is going to provide me with the education I need to get a real job… the job I’ve wanted for so long. I imagine sitting at a Starbucks there, remembering my own Starbucks, and my friends… but knowing that despite my missing everything that is good about my life here… there’s SO much more out there.
My heart is now set on getting away from here. I can’t stay at this job forever. I can’t make this little piddly salary. I need to get out, and get away. I need something other than my beloved California. I’ve simply outgrown this place.Filed under it's called life!, quotes | Comment (1)
“You look down your nose at absolutely everyone. And you’re incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate. It feelsl ike you’re waiting to find someone in the VIP room, who’s… who’s so fantastic… just the way she is, that you don’t need to fix her.”
“Bridget, this is mad.”
“Perhaps you’ve thought you’ve found her. Do you want to marry me?”
“You see, you can never muster the strength, to fight for me.”
– Bridget Jones to Mark Darcy “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason“Filed under quotes, random | Comments Off on The Edge of Reason