Perfectly Good Reason

October 6th, 2009 | Tags: , , ,

First, I want to point out that my wonderful best friend has decided to grace the world with her blogging presence. What’s funny is the story behind when we met (which involves a lot of online blogging) and how we became the friends that we are today. It took years, but really, it’s one of those friendships that just makes sense. So for all 5 of you who seem to come here to visit, check her out. Make her feel welcomed and loved.


There are times when I am full of “perfectly good reason”‘s and “well intention”‘s. Really, who’s going to judge me? Lately there’s been even more opportunity for my perfectly good reason’s. And as of yet it’s my ridiculous obsession with my ever growing waistline and weight.

I’m a short person so a few pounds shows without much effort. It’s not that I have problems with bigger people or think that all people should be able to fit into a jean size that consists of single digits, or even multiple zeros. Oh no. There’s a point where the additional weight becomes increasingly uncomfortable, though. To the point where I seem to have a harder time breathing while sitting.

I’m out of shape, sure, who isn’t these days? I actually have a fairly active job that keeps me moving regularly. My body has simply adjusted to these bouts of running around (though it’s less running than fast walking). I lift a fair amount in a single day as well, but again, the body has adjusted to this. I’m still overweight and, well, to put it simply… fat.

Food is comfort, though. I don’t crave carrots and salads. I crave cookies and cakes. Sugar and soda. I want pancakes for breakfast, lunch and a midnight snack. I want Macaroni and cheese at least once a week, twice if I’ve had a bad day. I want In & Out every other day. And let’s not get started on Chipotle, which will likely be the death of me (since they’ve made ordering easier by creating a damn iPhone app).

Now, don’t get me wrong. I remember everything every trainer has ever told me. I’ve replaced misinformation with new and improved information. Minus my sheer size and pudginess I could technically BE a trainer. I know what foods I should be eating. I know what foods I definitely should be avoiding.

In times of stress and discomfort I don’t first think to go to the gym to work out my frustration. When I’m having a particularly stabby sort of day, the last thing I think about is throwing on some of my ugliest clothes and heading straight for the gym, where tiny little females and buff dudes wear next to nothing while running 15 miles on the treadmill. I make myself a nice 3-person sized dish of macaroni and cheese. Or I stop at Chipotle. Or In & Out. And I stuff my next-to-crying face with these foods that make me feel better because it tastes “oh so good.”

It’s the putting on my pants the next day that seems to be the reminder that the Double Double combo was likely not the best choice.

I’m like Kristy Alley with the weight loss. I lose it, and gain it. I lose it and gain it. It’s an endless cycle. At time I’m super obsessed and I do it. I lose about 10-15 pounds and I’m feeling better and looking better. I hit the plateau and I stop losing weight. Incoming – discouragement. What’s the point when the last 5-10 pounds refuse REFUSE to come off. Sure I can just accept that I’m healthier and happier, always being “just a little bit fat.” So I stop at Chipotle to drown out my fat sorrows by getting more fat.

Honestly, all excuses aside (even the really legitimate ones) there’s just been a lot on my plate. Going to the gym is the last on my list of things to do.

The boyfriend is being laid off from work. This could mean relocation for him. Maybe me, but I’m not sure what’s going on with that. There are stresses in dealing with his son, and his ex-wife, and all of the other aspects of the kind of relocation options that are available to him/us. Not really knowing what’s going to happen doesn’t help. Quitting smoking was good for my heart and lungs, but bad for stress management. Thus, I’m eating more.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate my job?? Well if I haven’t, lemme explain. I haven’t liked my job in years. YEARS. I mean, I’ve actually hated it for a very long time. It used to be tolerable because I worked with some pretty cool people, but they’re simply not enough. I’m unhappy, and usually fairly miserable. I don’t like getting up in the morning because it feels like I’m wasting my day at a place I hate. If I could live in my car, I would. Now that I’m done and graduated I end up being here far too much. It’s intolerable. The things I didn’t like about school were offset by the days I was at work. The things I hated about work were offset by the days I was at school.

There’s none of that now. It’s only work. And I hate my job.


So when I get home I have to deal with a slightly neurotic cat who insists on putting all of her water onto the floor one paw at a time and an apartment full of stuff that desperately needs to be sorted, donated, given away, gifted or thrown out.

Alas, the gym just seems to be one of the hardest things for me to focus on.

Though I should. Tomorrow. *sigh*

Today, I’ll pick a slightly healthier lunch, try not to kill anyone, and hide as much as possible.

Who needs to walk

June 20th, 2009 | Tags: , ,

Cause it seems I don’t really need the ability to walk. And thus, I worked out my legs yesterday. I stuck to J’s work-out except for the Butt Blaster machine. Really?! They named the machine Butt Blaster? This should yield some interesting search results now. *shrug* Oh well.

The gym thing is going well. I would love to speed up the process of resuls, of course. It helps a person stay motivated when you can see some kind of difference. All I see right now is the fact that I hold my arms at my sides like I’m one of those big buff guys.

At some point I need to wrangle up some of the graduation photos that are around somewhere, as well as gather some of the better vacation photos and blog about it. I’m terrible about that kind of stuff. I guess I just can’t seem to be bothered by it anymore, even though I’d like to be. This life without school thing is preatty amazing and I’m really enjoying it.

Now if only I could figure out how to get my tooth to stop hurting. . .

My poor brain

June 17th, 2009 | Tags: , ,

I’m having a hard time putting it all together. It’s more like, finding the little bits of coherency to cling to.

For now I head to the gym and get my sweat on. I will turn on the A/C for while I’m gone and hopefully this place will have cooled a bit when I get back. I’m not looking forward to the summer. I’ve enjoyed the spring far too much.

Progress – Day 4

June 11th, 2009 | Tags: , ,

Today is the second day I went to the gym and got my ass kicked by my friend J (a personal trainer). She was showing me some different exercises so that I could run off on my own and do them without actually having to fork over the cash for regular sessions. It was rough. I am very sore. Yesterday we did legs. Today shoulders. It was a full workout, and I’m exhausted.

Blood Pressure yesterday wasn’t as horrible as I’d have expected since I haven’t been monitoring my food nearly as well as I had been.

I haven’t checked weight, though I meant to today.

Today’s workout was:

7 minutes of cardio warm-up (elliptical)
15 minutes of weights working on shoulders and arms (I will have to work up to doing much more than that)
21 minutes of additional cardio on the ellitpical
10-ish minutes doing abs and lower back

I’m tired. It hurts to do everything from sitting in a chair to picking something up. I asked J how long before I would start to see some kind of results and she responded with 2 months. It’s going to take 2 months before all of this work will start to show something. I think tomorrow I will go grocery shopping for some food that is not packed with sodium. Though I should make a list.

The Workout – Day 2

June 9th, 2009 | Tags: , , ,

I managed to get myself motivated to go to the gym in under and hour today. Not to mention it wasn’t at 10pm. I have gone, done my workout and am now home. Waiting for my heart rate to come down just a bit before hoping in the shower.

I will indulge in some lovely Lush soap once in said shower.

Heard back from the HR company that does the screening process for a job I applied for. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for this one, because it will mean a million doors will open for me, and I will be lucky enough to move onto the next chapter of my life.

Today’s Workout consisted of:
Cardio: Elliptical: 23.5 minutes (I was dying and there was some nasty squid show on one of the televisions  that was grossing me out)
Abs: 3 sets of 20
Lower back: 2 sets of 20

Weight: who knows I didn’t bother this morning. Nor did I bother with the blood pressure either. Damn. I had ample opportunity too. *sigh*

In other news, I’ve realized my inner voice officially speaks to me in 140 characters. My life is a constant status update.