Home again

July 27th, 2009 | Tags: , , ,

The final days in England were spent attempting to find some sort of night life. Thursday night proved to be fruitless and we picked up food at one of the few shops that were still open, and walked around what is a very large outdoor mall place in Swindon. It was a shame to see so much closed so early though. I guess it’s just different there than it is here in the states.

Friday night was better. We were able to hit up this bar place much earlier in the night. The food was actually really good though, as all pub food goes, it was a little expensive. I had a couple of pints of Strongbow and the people watching commenced. I often forget how fun it is to go out in those kinds of social settings and just observe. The two of us sat against the wall, away from most people, and just watched. Occasionally people noticed we were American when we were talking, but generally we were unnoticed by most everyone else. And so I had another Strongbow and we commenced in our observations of the terrible choices in fashion made by men, women, but mostly by boys and girls.

Saturday was meant to be the last and final day to get to do all of those touristy things before heading home. Stonehenge was first on the list of things to do. Next was London for the remainder of the sightseeing there. Stonehenge was cool. I was saddened by the fact that it was all roped off and you can’t actually go up and touch the rocks. Much of the reason behind all of this is explained in the audio tour you get when you pay your admission price. We were nearly finished. we were about to finish snagging the last of our photos before heading back to the car. Just when we got to the heel stone, I noticed some clouds and said, “It’s going to rain again.” Oh, it didn’t just rain. It poured. Like buckets. It was torrential. There is only one way in, and one way out… and it’s the same place. Halfway down the walkway to get out, all traffic stopped. The people under the little tunnel stayed there. Leaving the rest of us to stand there, getting soaked and wet.

I can handle a little bit of rain. But at this point, I was soaked to skin. Yes, my underwear was soaked. My sweatshirt weighed something close to 15 pounds with all of the additional water. It was so bad that I couldn’t pack it to bring it home. This also meant that there was no way we could reasonably dry off enough to get to London. We headed back to the hotel to change clothes and he took me to Fairford. It was a very cute little town that is exactly what you imagine British towns to look like. I grabbed a pizza, he got some fish and chips and back to the hotel we went for some lounging… and packing. Sadly, the packing was only done by me.

Seeing as this was a business trip for him my getting to go was just a ‘bonus’. Travelling alone isn’t nearly as fun as travelling period. And really, this particular flight was going to suck more than the first because going into Heathrow we flew business class. Extra leg room. Free food and drinks. More space. I was coming home economy and the flight was overbooked (joy :|)

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have problems travelling alone. It’s not a fear of flying, or sitting next to strangers that I have problems with. But being on a plane for that many hours it’s nice to have something (or someone) that’s familiar. It just would have been nice.

This was a good trip. This was a life altering trip. From here on out, we’ll see how things go… and exactly how the cards fall. For now I’m rather enjoying the bliss.


August 20th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I spent a pretty decent amount of time after getting home looking over some old OpenDiary entries. I read through a lot of them, as they were from 2001. It was a difficult year for me, filled with love, pain, loss of my job, disappointment, desperation and a plethora of other emotions I can’t even begin to convey in words.

While I read it seemed like I was reading a story someone wrote and told me it was my life. I guess that’s the point of journaling, for that opportunity later in life, when you’re not even remotely the same person anymore, when you can look back and read it all and laugh at yourself (and others of course!).

As I read through some of the relationship-y bits, it made me that much more appreciative for the way things have been going with the boy. I’m so very happy because of him, and with him. We all have bad days… sure. But he makes so many of them better by simply being… him.

Right now

July 8th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I need some inspiration.

What I really want to do is have the boy in the same room with me… we don’t have to DO anything together, I just want the comfort of knowing he’s here. I won’t have that for at best, a few more days.

I have stories needing to be written, and I keep avoiding the pen and paper (or computer).

I have bills that I simply can’t pay right now, and I hope they don’t shut anything off until I get my “bill” paycheck rather than my “rent” paycheck.

I really needs a pick-me-up of some kind… as I feel somewhat lost and floundering without something to do.

I am horrifically hungry all the time, and I hope all the weight I worked so hard to lose doesn’t come back.

I haven’t had a cigarette in almost 5 weeks, and the desire to have one gets less and less. Actually when I’m at Starbucks with my friends, I almost want to bitch at them because the smell bothers me so much.

I need to journal some of my recent experiences.

And I need to start carrying my camera again (or at least upload all the photos I did take into flickr).

Oh, the joy of long weekends!

July 7th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

See, there’s a funny thing about having a semi-long distance relationship with someone. And I’ve blogged about it before. We never get to go through the obsessive phase where we ditch all of our friends and spend every waking minute we possibly can together. Everything we do has to be planned because there’s an hour drive to see the other. There are a few benefits to him coming to see me, the largest of them being that it costs him a ridiculous amount of money less in gas (and we get to go around town on his motorcycle instead, woo!). But we also get privacy (well, besides the cat who loves him, that little pain in my ass!), where we get some, but he has two roommates.

Thursday I wanted to leave work early, get a head start on my weekend. I knew I was going to spend the majority of it with the boy, and that made me giddy like a kid. On the way home, I stopped by the fruit stand and picked up a few pounds of peaches. They’re the boy’s favorite fruit.

We texted once I got home, and while I was tempted to use the peaches as a means to lure him to my place half a day earlier, I figured it might be a cheap ploy. So when he thought of coming up Thursday night instead of Friday, I was thrilled.

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June 24th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

I spent the better portion of the late night on the phone with the boy last night, and it was fun conversation. I keep expecting that day when we run out of things to talk about. I hope that it doesn’t happen, but there are few people in my life that I can talk to on a regular basis and not run out of things to talk about. I try hard not to mention the fact that I’ve heard people’s stories again and again (and sometimes again). I let them feel as though they have something important to say, because at times they really do. But the BFF and the boy seem to be a handful of the only people with whom I can talk to for hours and hours and never run out of things to talk about.

What I adore most about the boy is that he listens to me despite the fact that I go off on tangents about things that he not only has no knowledge of, but has no interest in. We don’t have to share all things, but we should be supportive of each other and our endeavors, right? I don’t always care about what he’s telling me, but I DO care about the fact that he is telling me.

The other night, when I met his family, I heard Elton John’s “Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues” play in through the speakers of Black Angus. This is one of those songs I love. Not like… LOVE! Over the weekend, I went in search of a download for the song. Today, I decided to make a playlist, of just that song. And I danced around the storeroom at work mouthing the words and singing in my head.

I’ve heard the song a thousand times over the years, and the only part I ever knew was the title line. But the song, and it’s lyrics, are amazing.

“… But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself

And I guess that’s why
They call it the blues
Time on my hands
Could be time spent with you
Laughing like children
Living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that’s why
They call it the blues”


June 13th, 2008 | Tags: ,

I couldn’t resist. It was too cute. So now, I’m sharing, because it is THAT cute. 😉

more cat pictures

Hard to believe

June 8th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

It’s strange to me, at times, to think that this boy is the same boy who wrote such things to me. He doesn’t seem to remember those days, as though they were just a figment of his imagination, and they’ve gone away. Or he woke from a dream, and as time passed, he simply forgot the details. Only they weren’t just details. I will always remember them. And a small part of me will always wonder, and often fear, to see or hear those words again.

I wish that I didn’t care for him so much. He’s no longer this boy who seemed so unattainable, not like he once was. He’s very real to me now. I see this different side of him that he wouldn’t let me see before. I’m not sure why, but he’s this real and tangible person whom I adore. I know that we can’t choose whom our hearts have decided to love… and I realize now, after the conversations I’ve had with the ex, as well as with the boy, that this is entirely true. The details don’t matter with either case, but the fact remains… it’s oh so true.

We had the most amazing weekend. Really, we did. But this one was different from last weekend. We talk, daily. As most people who are dating or boyfriend/girlfriend do. We just don’t get to see each other very often. It isn’t feasible for either of us to drive the nearly 50 miles for just a few hours. As much as I would love to, I simply can’t afford the gas. He rode his motorcycle to pick me up, I packed a few things, and went back to his place with him. We watched some UFC fights at the bar and I had fun. It was more fun that I would have thought. 5 of us also had shots, in two different time zones, in two states. And as stupid and cheesy as that sounds, it was the coolest thing ever. Ha! It’s a story I’ll tell people years from now, while sitting at a bar, laughing about those funny things we’ve done in life.

After UFC, I learned something about the boy that I didn’t really expect to find out. It’s something that I believed only the ex ever did. It was something I believed I would never find in another person, ever again. While it’s deeply personal, and even a little bit strange, I’m half tempted to share it anyway, despite the fact that most would be grossed out by it. It doesn’t matter, not really. The details don’t matter. What matters is that it didn’t bother him.

For the first time in my life, someone looked at me, mostly naked, and told me that most guys only get to think about having sex with the beautiful girl… and he was lucky that he got to. There are no words to describe how that makes anyone feel… ever. It can’t ever be recreated, not that moment. It will also be one of those moments I’ll always remember.

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I just don’t know

May 26th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

A part of me wishes that I could just hold onto this, and relish in it. Because it’s what I wanted all along. It’s what I was hoping for all along. I wanted him to realize how wonderful I was (*smirk*) and to come running back. I wanted him to know that I would be here for him, despite the fact that at times I really don’t like him. I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to want me back.

For all intents and purposes, that’s what I got. At least that’s my take on the conversations of the last few days.

I try to see if I can get him to talk to me about it, without having to outright ask him what the hell is going on. He’s decided that pet names are his thing again. And not just the broad “baby” he uses when he refers to his female friends. I’m talking about the “sweetie’s” and “sweetie pie’s” that he used to call me when we were first dating.

He wants me to meet his mom. His mom wants to meet me, so he asked if I was okay with that. I guess so. I don’t have any objections to it. I just wonder what he’s been telling her to make her want to meet me. I’m just some girl who came into his life and loved him for a little while during a rough spot.

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May 25th, 2008 | Tags: ,

(12:32:57 PM) the boy: ahhh. tuesday…..I don’t think we would be where we are if all we were ever going to be was friends

How was I supposed to know…