Here’s to adventure… in 2 days time.

July 17th, 2009 | Tags: , ,

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
— Mark Twain

This is the reason why I said yes. This is the reason why no matter what… I won’t be bitter about life because I regret a missed opportunity.

You watch us run!

April 24th, 2009 | Tags: , ,

Do you know how many times I’ve watched these episodes of Doctor Who? I mean I’ve seen them again and again and again. It’s pretty ridiculous. And sometimes I’m just enjoying a good knit/crochet session on the couch and I can hear every word with the occasional glance. Sometimes, like today, I put it on as background noise so I’m not sitting alone in my apartment in the silence.

The strangest phenomenon happens. Episodes I’ve seen a hundred times before are suddenly different. It’s like I’m seeing them for the first time again. And the impact of the writing hits me outta the blue… like a two by four to the dome. Just a moment ago, I had this moment.

And these were the words.

Doctor Who, Series 4, Episode 9: Forest of the Dead

If you die here, it’ll mean I’ve never met you.

Time can be rewritten.

Not those times. Not one line! Don’t you dare! (pause) It’s OK. It’s OK, it’s not over for you. You’ll see me again. You’ve got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run!

Strange Shoes

April 5th, 2009 | Tags: ,

“The average life is full of near misses and absolute hits. Of great love and small disasters. It’s made up of banana milkshakes, loft insulation and random shoes. It’s dead ordinary and truly amazing. What you’ve got to realize is… it’s all here… now. So breathe deep and swallow it whole because take it from me, life just whizzes by and then all of a sudden it’s… *flash*”
– Eugene, Torchwood: “Strange Shoes”

Less Traveled

May 19th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

“Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

I remember the first time I heard this quote. I remember hearing stories similar to this very one. I think we actually had this whole discussion about it in high school.

I also remember thinking that that would be how I would live my life. I’d always go against the grain, do something different… be someone different. Not for the sake of being different, but because it means that if my time comes I won’t have missed out on the opportunities that have been available to me.

It seems, as of late, that most people I know are in… not such good moods. They’re depressed and feeling lethargic. I know this feeling all too well. It seems that I’ve become the boy’s confidante in all matters dealing with his life.

During our horrible heat wave, I decided that I would move somewhere else for grad school. I wanted to be anywhere but here. I can’t handle these horrific summers anymore. I just can’t handle 6-8 months of 90+ (and even 100+) degree weather. I just can’t do it. And the BFF has been trying to convince me to move out there with her anyway. Not literally with her, but be where she is geographically speaking. I’ve wanted to, and even thought about it. But what better reason to move than to take care of grad school? It will be an expensive endeavor, but not without help. It will be for all of the right reasons, and not because I just want to get away. I do… but I haven’t liked living here in a LONG time.

It’s been far too easy though, staying where I am. Finding whatever path has given me the least resistance (or cost). I just don’t want it to be about that anymore. I want it to be about more than that. I want to make decisions based on how to make my life better.

I won’t lie. When the boy makes jokes about going along with me, I almost wish I could be okay with it. This is my time. This is my thing. This is something I want to do for myself. Even the BFF pointed out that I could live with her for a couple months until I found a job and found a place to live… but he wasn’t invited. Though even just my being there could potentially be a HUGE inconvenience as it stands… there’s no way I’m allowing another person to come along and impose as well. Despite that little girl inside of me that wishes he could just be packed up along with the clothes, I know that I wouldn’t want him there. If we’re meant to be, we will. I just can’t take him with me everywhere I go. I want this to be for me.

I can’t tell how serious he is either. If it’s just a funny, “Let’s move to New York” sort of thing, or if he’s partially serious. I could ask. I just don’t want to know the answer. I don’t want to burst his bubble by telling him that I don’t want him to go with me.

In my head I picture this experience. Once I get a job, and find a place to live… I imagine calling the BFF up and just sitting around for hours talking about all sorts of stuff. Laughing and joking like we always do. Never being bored. I imagine wandering around a campus that is going to provide me with the education I need to get a real job… the job I’ve wanted for so long. I imagine sitting at a Starbucks there, remembering my own Starbucks, and my friends… but knowing that despite my missing everything that is good about my life here… there’s SO much more out there.

My heart is now set on getting away from here. I can’t stay at this job forever. I can’t make this little piddly salary. I need to get out, and get away. I need something other than my beloved California. I’ve simply outgrown this place.

The Edge of Reason

April 19th, 2008 | Tags: , ,

“You look down your nose at absolutely everyone. And you’re incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate. It feelsl ike you’re waiting to find someone in the VIP room, who’s… who’s so fantastic… just the way she is, that you don’t need to fix her.”

“Bridget, this is mad.”

“Perhaps you’ve thought you’ve found her. Do you want to marry me?”

“Look I…”

You see, you can never muster the strength, to fight for me.”

– Bridget Jones to Mark Darcy “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason