It could’ve been perfect

May 21st, 2008 | Tags: ,

I screwed off. I slacked the hell off, and my exhaustion caused me to postpone the writing of the take home final in place of sleep. I slept. I woke up early, showered and did all the good morningly stuff, and sat down to write a paper. Albeit a short paper, it still needed to be written. My apathy and lethargy is astounding! No. Really. When I got out of the shower it was just shy of 8 am. I decided to log into WoW instead. Why? I dunno. Cause the idea of writing yet another effing paper made me ill.

So I played about 40 minutes of World of Warcraft instead. Yeah. World of effing Warcraft. Why?

No clue. I have no damn clue why I do this to myself.

So I write a crappy paper, print the damn thing up, and head to school, on schedule. Get to school a little earlier than anticipated, and turn said paper in. I’m going to miss that instructor though, despite the nutso papers I had to write (mostly because I was out of my league… not the normal sort of papers I’ve ever had to write in the past, making it difficult to fake it!).

I get a call from the boy. He’s on campus early, and wanted to hang out some. I wanted food after fasting for 13-ish hours. I didn’t care what, I just REALLY wanted some FOOD! I meet up with him, we pretend to study for all of 10 minutes and go to take our final. Let’s not discuss how that final went.

We spend some more time together. This time, a plan is made. A plan for me to take him home after his next final, and he would take me riding. I was stoked. STOKED! I <3 being on a motorcycle. Even though I’d love it more if I were the one doing the driving, it’s still fun. The wind, not so fun. I got pelted with bugs at some point. And my hair. Oh my poor hair. It looked like one great big giant dreadlock. It was not cute.

But he wracked up over 300 miles on his bike, for my amusement and entertainment. He paid for gas. He paid for dinner. He stopped when my butt needed a break. We laughed about signs that I saw (“Rainbow Ranch. Not GAY, just happy“). It was just an all around good day.

On the drive home I sent the BFF a text message. “Why do they have to be perfect specimens of the male gender when you’re just friends?” Why indeed. I’m not sure, at least not completely what it is I’m hoping for. She asked if I would be better off not hanging out with him as much. The answer is yes. I would be better off. Though I’m not 100% sure that’s even what I want, at least not deep down. What I want is to finish school, and get the fuck out of this hell. This is what I’m striving for. This is what I’m working towards.

I won’t lie. Today I fell in love with him… all over again.

Tomorrow, I start over with letting go.